Plan B

Lately nothing has been feeling right. Everything is making me feel odd and out of place. Something needs to change. I'm going to be going back up north soon so maybe I'll start feeling better. I feel like my life just hit a big roadblock. The time has come for me to step up my game and get my life started. I rushed through life trying to grow up faster, and I just stopped. Now that I've calmed down, my mind has filled with cynisism and my heart with anger. Everyday at home is a fight to keep my head up and everyday outside is like a wierd dream. I keep thinking that time is running out and I'm just sitting here wasting what little time I have. Apathy keeps me from reading and just generally being productive.

I've lost alot in the past year. What I've gained from it is the life plan not including the start of my own family. I've gained a nephew and lost all desire to have my own children. I've gained dissent and lost hope for humanity. I've grown disgusted with the perversions of morality and the general absurdity that people accept. It deeply saddens me how moronic people are because it's not their fault, but the fault of the people making the rules and creating the systems our lives revolve around.

Loss of love lead to loss of hope and thus thoughts were lead into despair. I have a goal to accomplish, but not for myself.